What Stands Out?

There are certain things we notice as wedding that make the event special and more pleasurable to attend. Here are some of my recent observations:

Special music while guest are being seated really helps set the mood. A wedding I attended two weeks ago included a violinist playing a variety of beautiful music, not all of it traditional wedding songs. Ask your performer for suggestions if you are not well versed in ceremony music. Bridesmaids and the two mothers lit a number of candles at the altar, while the violin, accompanied occasionally by the organ, set the mood for the upcoming nuptials. A soloist sang, “The Lord’s Prayer” during the lighting of the unity candle. Very appropriate and very moving. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house.

At the reception, if at all possible, don’t have the bar and the music in separate rooms. You are dividing the guests, some of which are missing special dances or announcements as they wait for their drinks. If there is a concern about noise level and making sure your guests can talk to one another without shouting, speak to your performer about volume levels and expectations. Play music for all age groups to get the largest number of your guests involved.

At this particular wedding, there were quite a few smaller children in attendance. Glow sticks that can be attached to one another to make necklaces and other items were provided for the kids at the reception. It was a great, non-messy way to keep them happy and busy, as well as working for all age levels.

What are some of the things that stand out in your mind from the weddings and receptions you have attended in the past?

A Wedding to Remember (Pleasantly), Part II

Now I bet you thought that the continuation of Part I would be more things that the bridal couple needs to do, right? Nope, I'm giving them a pass on this one. This is what you as the guest need to do. And it's not just as simple as showing up on time dressed properly.

Often before the wedding, a bride is asked if she would like a bridal shower. If you know you are going to be asked to a wedding and would like to hold a shower for the bride, that is a lovely thing to do. Unless you are a relative (or relative-to-be). Sorry, it isn't proper etiquette to have a shower for a family member. I know it's been done, but so have mullets for men and mini-skirts on women over 50. I think you get where I'm going with this one. Please consult with the bride on the guest list, the food and other details. After all, this is her shower and you would like her to enjoy it, wouldn't you?

Once the wedding invitation arrives, check your calendar immediately. Let's be honest. You pretty much know immediately if you wish to attend or not. Please return those response cards. What is the delay? Don't be one of those guests that has to be called (if you were my wedding guests, you wouldn't have been called. I just wouldn't have had a place for you at dinner. Oops. Guess you should have responded.) The bride has enough to do without chasing down all the rude guests that can't find the time to print their name, check off a box and drop a self-addressed, stamped envelope in the mailbox. How embarrassing for you. Please don't even think of adding your adorable children's names to the response card unless they were specifically invited.

Now let's get to the gift. Many brides have registered at one or more locations because they are dearly hoping you will pick something for them that is in their taste and not yours. If you don't have the good sense to seize that opportunity, cash works well. I don't know anyone that doesn't like cash. Should you choose to pick an item for the registry, shop early, before everyone else, so you have more of a selection than a $2.19 olive de-pitter or $599 electronic robot that cleans the home. And for goodness sakes, send the gift, don't drag it along with you. (Brides, you can help train future wedding guest by refusing to have a gift table at your reception). What makes you think the bridal party wants to end their evening hauling the gifts you should have sent as soon as you got the invitation (not something you picked up between the wedding and the reception)? Base the dollar amount spent on what you can afford, of course, but also take into consideration what you would have spent on an evening out for dinner and dancing.

An added touch, but not a requirement, is to send a thank you note to the host of the wedding, be it the bridal couple themselves or parents or a combination. Send copies of any photos you may have taken. Mention the details that made it "A Wedding to Remember (Pleasantly)". You in turn will be remembered fondly.